Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
An Early Realization of Life’s Impermanence
I’d like to share with you a story I call “Grandmother’s Ironing Basket.” As a little girl, I gradually became aware of my grandmother’s old age. This realization brought me a sense of concern about her inevitable absence in my life. One day, she noticed my wistful expression and asked if something was bothering me. I confessed my thoughts about her aging and not always being around.
Grandmother’s Insightful Response
She paused, acknowledging the importance of her role in my life and vice versa. She listed her daily tasks, including cooking, baking, laundry, sewing, and ironing. As she spoke, I giggled, mentioning my love for her baked goods and the smell of steam from the ironing. She paused again, showing her deep understanding of a child’s mind and the concept of mortality.
“Keep your eye on my ironing basket; as long as there’s ironing to be done, I’ll be here.”
This statement of reassurance became a symbol of her continued presence in my life.
The Ever-Present Ironing Basket
Reflecting back, I never recall seeing her laundry basket empty. There was always something that needed ironing. As a clinical psychologist specializing in geropsychology, I wonder if this was not only for my reassurance but also for her sense of purpose and connection as well.
A Personal Reflection
Initially, I checked the basket frequently, but over time, my attention shifted away. The story resurfaced in my mind amidst feelings of being overwhelmed by life’s demands, especially during the transition from one year to another.
The Constant Challenge of Balancing Life’s Daily Demands
I often feel overwhelmed by my laundry basket of to do items, particularly around the New Year. The pressure from various responsibilities, deadlines, and commitments is intense. Self-care often falls to the bottom of our list, along with concerns for what we know is good for us: inner peace, healthy nutrition, an outlet for our creativity, and protecting important relationships.
The thoughts go round and round in our head. Inner peace: “Do I have time for meditation?” Good nutrition: “I’m already shopping at multiple markets.” Creative expression: “Do you think I can find time for that sewing class?” Tending to important relationships: Remembering birthdays and following up with important issues and inflection points in their lives. There are so many of them that “one small laundry basket could not hold all the items.”
The Power of ‘Master Demands’
Often, our feelings of pressure stem from our internal dialogue. I have identified four ‘Master Demands’ that amplify this stress:
Master Demands
- SHOULD
- OUGHT
- HAVE-TO
- MUST
A New Year’s Resolution for Change
As we approach 2024, I resolve to address these ‘Master Demands.’ I plan to describe their impact on our stress and frustration levels and suggest ways to reframe our thinking. This will help us enjoy more connection, purpose, and meaning in our lives.
Fingers crossed!
For more on why we always return to these little rituals, see my earlier post: Why Do We Knock on Wood? Understanding Our Age-Old Superstitions
