Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
Focus on Nostalgia
“Tis the season to be wistful, reflective, awash in memories of youth, family, celebrations, relationships, dinners, things that happened, people gone, connections, silly things, visits, special foods…”
As I age, looking back and reviewing a life lived becomes increasingly precious. The holiday season provides an ideal backdrop for such reflections. Nostalgia, it seems, is a constant companion.
The Image of Nostalgia
Imagine an old person, rocking slowly in a chair on a porch, lost in thought. They might be smiling or shedding a few tears as they recall their past. What appears as idleness is actually a dynamic, purposeful activity.
Nostalgia: A Yearning for the Past
In our later years, nostalgia reminds us of our former selves. It helps us piece together our life’s experiences, shaping who we are today. We remain fundamentally the same person, sculpted and refined by life’s journey.
Nostalgia’s Universal Appeal
It’s common in older age to reminisce and review. Certain experiences become emblematic, representing freedom, joy, beauty, health, and strength — qualities often felt as diminished in later years.
Nostalgia’s Triggers
Nostalgia can be prompted by various cues:
- A book we’re reading
- A cartoon in the newspaper
- Music, food, or social activities
- Family interactions, especially during holidays
We sit back, close our eyes and it begins.
We begin spontaneously but can guide these thoughts deliberately. This understanding is crucial in cognitive therapies, showing we’re not captive to our reminiscences.
I suspect we’ve all had the experience of revisiting a memory to discover ourselves going down a rabbit hole that is hurtful. At this point, it is wise to say “stop.”
Nostalgia’s Dual Purpose
Nostalgia isn’t just for the individual; it serves a generative purpose as well. Grandparents often share stories with their grandchildren, highlighting their past resilience.
When I was young, I walked two miles every day to and from school, sometimes slogging through deep snow, and it was uphill both ways!
Such stories help to remind the self that:
- For the older adult, the stories reinforce their identity, which is continous despite physical changes.
- For the younger listeners, they offer lessons of courage and perseverance.
For the older adult, the storyteller, this helps to remind them that they are the same person who walked two miles a day in the snow, even though they recognize that it would not be possible to do so now.
“Though I can no longer do that, I have met and coped with many other challenges along the way and lived to tell the tale!”
The message to the younger listeners — the generative purpose — is that your grandparent, or great grandparent, once had the courage and the grit to trudge through the snow to reach school on time. This is the same person who also had the courage and the grit to get through many other life challenges over many years.
Nostalgia: Directed Activity
- Favorite Holiday Memories: What are some of your cherished holiday memories?
- Recognizing Toxic Memories: Can you identify a toxic memory as it begins? Do you know how to halt it?
- Humorous Recollections: Can you recall a funny holiday memory? (Many begin in the kitchen.)
Wishing you something pleasant, something delicious, and something beautiful at this season,
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash