The Older Self: Constancy and Change

The great challenge of aging, becoming old, is how to continue to feel like ones self even as many of the sustaining cues, from within and outside of the self, are challenged, altered and lost.

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1. A Good Conversation

   Loneliness is rising across the life course, and a good conversation — bidirectional, focused, and unhurried — is one of our best protections against it. For older adults especially, real conversation offers both connection and a precious validation of the self.

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2. The Stage of Simplification

   As we age, the urge to acquire gives way to the urge to simplify — to disperse, donate, and lighten the load we carry. This stage invites us to let go not only of things, but of thoughts and burdens that no longer serve us.

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3. Waiting for Permission

   As we age, we often catch ourselves waiting for permission to rest, reach out, or enjoy the day. But old age is also the age of agency — the time when we can finally grant ourselves the permission we have been waiting for.

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4. Building the Future of Geriatric Mental Health

   A new mentorship program from the International Psychogeriatric Association will connect seasoned professionals with early-career clinicians and researchers — and I’m honored to help lead it.

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5. The World Stage for Aging Mental Health

   A global community of professionals is working to address the mental health of older adults across more than fifty countries — and I’m honored to help lead that effort.

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6. The Garden of Aging

   Growing older is like tending a garden of weeds and flowers: the aches and ageism are intertwined with long-held passions and new possibilities.

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7. Magical Thinking

   We never outgrow magical thinking — but moving from a wish to a reality requires passing through distinct stages. An aging psychologist explores what gets in the way, and shares her own story of turning grief into a journey forward.

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8. Perspectives on Aging, A New Resource from the APA

   A reflection on contributing to the APA’s new e-booklet on the psychology of aging, exploring how the field has evolved beyond pathology to encompass resilience and meaning-making in later life.

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9. Tick-Tock: The Times We Have

   Exploring how our experience of time shifts as we age, from the puzzlement of childhood to the Chronos and Kairos of later life, and why it’s important to keep learning and flourishing throughout the journey.

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10. Why We Struggle to Age Well (And What Actually Helps)

    What really gets in the way of healthy aging? A psychologist specializing in gerontology explores the obstacles we face and offers three practical, achievable suggestions for making aging easier and getting older better.

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11. Internalized Ageism and the Fear of Contagion Through Association

    Even older adults themselves can fall prey to internalized ageism and the unconscious fear of “contagion through association” with those who need more care. This fear drives isolation, but connection across abilities and generations offers a path to resilience and the recognition of beauty in aging.

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12. My Fountain Pen

    A clinical psychologist reflects on identity and memory through observations of dementia patients carrying handbags in a skilled nursing facility, and considers what objects in her own handbag—especially her treasured fountain pen—would represent who she is.

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13. NPR Living Better Series Article, “The Transitions of Aging”

    Dr. Erlene Rosowsky contributes to NPR’s Special Series “Living Better” discussing the complex dynamics between aging parents and adult children, the importance of respecting autonomy, and the role of life narratives in maintaining meaningful relationships.

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14. You Earned This Podcast — Aging, Financial Security, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

    Dr. Rosowsky joins the “You Earned This” podcast to discuss how financial security shapes the narratives older adults tell themselves about their worth, independence, and future, exploring themes of ageism, resilience, and meaningful connection in later life.

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15. Still Together After All These Years — Counseling Older Couples

    Dr. Rosowsky returns to the Living to 100 Club podcast to discuss the unique challenges and opportunities facing long-together couples in older age, from empty nest transitions to illness, differential aging, and loss.

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16. The Very Reasonable Notion of Reasonable Risk — A Case Study in Intergenerational Conflict

    A clinical case study exploring how different generations define “reasonable risk” through the story of an elderly father’s daily newspaper walk and his son’s safety concerns.

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17. Discover the Story You Tell Yourself About Growing Old

    People develop mental scripts about how long they’ll live and what old age will look like, based on family history and beliefs, which shapes their anxiety and relationships.

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18. The Ageism Embedded in Anti-Aging, and How Altruism and Humor Can Help With Inevitable Change

    Humor helps older adults cope with aging challenges by reducing negativity, connecting with others who understand, and finding joy in inevitable changes rather than fighting them.

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19. The 8 Universal Truths Everyone Will Face While Aging

    Aging brings eight common changes: increased self-reflection, greater diversity among older adults, reduced energy, memory shifts, stronger mind-body connections, cultural influences, balancing activity with solitude, and individual responses to chan

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20. Why Some Things Your Parents Told You Still Make Sense Even Now

    Childhood advice like “listen to your elders” and “this too shall pass” often remains relevant as we age, though our understanding deepens with life experience.

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21. Too Hot, Too Cold, Just Right; or, How to Keep Growing at Any Age

    Like Goldilocks searching for the perfect fit at the three bears’ house, we spend our lives seeking balance — what feels “just right.” With age, we face new fears of failing, facing mortality, and falling. Growth comes from embracing curiosity and taking reasonable risks.

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22. When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear

    The ability to learn and change persists throughout life. While learning may take more effort with age, cultivating openness in body, mind, and spirit enables continued growth and development.

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23. Mastering the Art of Resilience in Later Life

    Resilience in older age depends on three key abilities: avoiding preventable challenges, coping effectively with unavoidable problems, and bouncing back from setbacks. Like a three-legged stool, all components must be strong for stability.

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24. The 4 Personality Traits That Help You Thrive in Your Golden Years

    Four key personality traits help build resilience in older age: extraversion for social connection, healthy dependency for accepting help, balanced narcissism for self-identity, and conscientiousness for adapting to new experiences and challenges.

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25. Living Life Between the Raindrops by Finding Joy in Life’s Small Moments

    Small moments of joy (“joylets”) are worth celebrating, especially as we age. Instead of waiting for perfect happiness, we can find delight in daily experiences, memories, and simple pleasures between life’s challenges.

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26. Embracing Vicarious Joy for Shared Happiness

    Joy can be shared and experienced vicariously, especially in challenging times. Embracing others’ happiness can boost our own well-being, creating a positive cycle of emotional connection and support.

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27. The Kindness of Strangers

    As we age, we often transition from independence to relying on strangers for care. Embracing this change with kindness and openness can lead to positive interactions and a better quality of life in our later years.

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28. The 4-A Framework is a Lifeline for Caregivers Facing Stress and Burnout

    Caregivers face burnout and unmet needs due to time, emotional, and resource commitments. The 4 As model — Acceptance, Accommodation, Advocacy, and Agency — helps manage these challenges and maintain well-being.

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29. Unlocking the 10 Essential Spaces Every Caregiver Needs

    Caregivers need support spaces for self-care, social connections, creativity, and relaxation to manage their roles effectively and maintain their health and well-being.

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30. On Mattering — Staying Engaged by Finding Meaning and Purpose

    As we age, we risk losing purpose by filling days with mundane tasks, neglecting meaningful connections and activities that make life matter

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31. A Lesson from a Small Yellow Leaf

    Observing a single yellow leaf dance gracefully in the wind before falling taught valuable lessons, like the importance of focus, patience, being present, and accepting impermanence.

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32. The Wisdom of Waiting — Why Older Adults Have Mastered Patience

    Older adults have learned not to rush through life, allowing them to be present in the moment, a wisdom the younger generation has yet to embrace.

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33. The Same Me, Only Now — Staying True to Yourself while Aging Gracefully

    How aging changes our roles, relationships, and physical abilities, yet emphasizes maintaining our core identity through adaptation and acceptance.

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34. From Memory to Mindfulness — The Many Facets of Growing Older

    Old age is a personal and diverse experience, influenced by culture and life events, with changes in introspection, memory, and physical abilities that are not defined by age alone.

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35. Grandmother’s Ironing Basket — A Story of Timeless Love and Gentle Wisdom

    Reflecting on life’s impermanence, the value of familial bonds, and managing life’s overwhelming demands with purpose and positivity.

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36. Rocking Chair Reflections — Nostalgia’s Vital Role in Our Later Years

    The importance and beauty of nostalgia in our later years, highlighting its role in shaping identity and sharing wisdom across generations

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37. Why Do We Knock on Wood? Understanding Our Age-Old Superstitions

    Superstitions, often rooted in culture and history, offer us a sense of control. While some caution against joy, reflecting on them can lead to personal liberation.

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38. Growing Older, Growing Wiser: Embracing the Evolving You

    As we age, our self-image and relationship with time evolve, but our core self remains. Reflecting on past and present can provide insights into our changing perspectives.

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39. Living Life Between the Raindrops

    Rain reminds us of life’s unpredictability, but with preparation and companionship, we can find joy between the challenges and embrace each moment.

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40. The Art of Managing Tough Times: Crafting Your Crummy Day Toolkit

    We all face crummy days, but we can deal with them effectively by creating a personal “Crummy Day Toolkit.” Recognizing your discomfort, reflecting on your go-to reactions and arming yourself with customized tools can significantly transform your day.

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41. What Popeye Teaches Us About Self-Love and Acceptance

    Inspired by Popeye’s self-acceptance, learn the importance of embracing inevitable age-related changes, and how we resist due to energy, anxiety, and vanity, while reflecting on our childhood heroes’ adaptations as they age.

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42. Discover the Positive Power of Pride in Your Life

    Pride, while often perceived negatively, actually stems from positive emotions associated with success and accomplishment. Society generally accepts feelings of pride in others’ achievements but discourages us from taking pride in our own successes. This societal emphasis on humility often overshadows personal pride. Nonetheless, acknowledging and embracing pride in our own accomplishments is essential for personal growth and self-appreciation.

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43. Sharing the Good Stuff: How to Brighten Your Day and Connect with Others

    Ways to share the good stuff and spread joy, such as building connections across language barriers, smiling and waving to neighbors, complimenting strangers, and organizing fair exchange meetups where people share their unique skills or talents, Engaging in these activities can bring happiness to both the giver and the receiver, fostering a sense of community and friendship.

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44. Ten positives about being older (Part 3)

    10 positives about being older, focusing on aging easier.

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45. Ten positives about being older (Part 2)

    10 positives about being older, focusing on aging easier.

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46. Ten positives about being older (Part 1)

    10 positives about being older, focusing on prespective.

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47. Focus on Curiosity

    Nurturing our capacity for Curiosity.

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48. Focus on Now

    How we think about time can affect our psychology. Here are some tips to focus on the Now.

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49. Dr. R’s latest podcast episode

    Dr. R. discusses Personality Disorders in Older Adults: Insights from a Subject Matter Expert on Dr. Joe Casciani’s podcast, Living to 100 Club

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50. Focus on Loneliness

    Loneliness is a recognizable feeling that we all experience at times, an unpleasant feeling that incorporates feelings of sadness and anxiety.

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51. Focus on Attitude

    Attitude is a cluster of thoughts that is reflected in a person’s cognition, feeling and behavior. A single thought can trigger many related thoughts. Over time this collection of thoughts reinforces the way we respond to something, or someone.

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52. Focus on Change

    Stress is likely to build up when we anticipate the need to make a change, experience the need for change or the actual change itself. The anticipation of making a change is typically couched in a time of fret and worry.

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53. Focus on Assumptions

    Some assumptions live in our minds, very quietly, and guide our lives — but are not true. Embracing them increases our stress, especially so as we become older.

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