Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
Featured in NPR’s “Living Better” Series
National Public Radio invited me as the featured contributor to a recent article in their Special Series “Living Better.” I was pleased to accept.
Read the full article: The Transitions of Aging: How Parents and Children Can Adjust
Navigating the Parent-Child Dynamic in Later Life
The outstanding journalist and podcast host Ashley Milne-Tyte wrote “The Transitions of Aging: How Parents and Children Can Adjust.” As a clinical psychologist who has specialized in aging issues for many years, I discussed certain realities of aging that have special impact on the relationship between older persons and their adult children. Each generation holds different expectations of what their role should be.
For example, the adult child wants to keep their parents safe and healthy as much as possible and for as long as possible. The older person often is willing to take some small risks in order to maintain a semblance of agency over their life. This becomes especially important at a stage when aging itself brings many unwanted changes.
“The mission of the child is to keep their parent safe and healthy. The older adult, though, ‘doesn’t want to be wrapped up.’ Rather, they want to maintain their sense of autonomy and advocacy.”
—The Transitions of Aging: How Parents and Children Can Adjust
Competence and the Right to Choose
Another point that also informs their relationship was the understanding and appreciation that if someone is competent to make decisions, they are competent to make decisions that we don’t like or don’t approve of.
Competent people are competent to make poor decisions.
This is a crucial distinction that adult children must grapple with as they navigate their evolving relationships with aging parents.
“As long as a parent is competent to make decisions, they’re competent to make lousy decisions or decisions you wouldn’t make.”
—The Transitions of Aging: How Parents and Children Can Adjust
The Power of Life Narratives
I also spoke of the role of stories and life narratives in establishing and maintaining relationships. This becomes especially meaningful when aging limits opportunities for new experiences and accomplishments.
“By telling a story, she says — by giving something — the older adult became an equal part of the exchange.”
—The Transitions of Aging: How Parents and Children Can Adjust
Ashley Milne-Tyte captured the essential tension in these relationships: adult children wanting to protect their aging parents, while older adults seek to preserve their autonomy. The path forward requires respecting their competence, listening deeply, and honoring their stories. I’m grateful to Ashley for bringing these important conversations about aging to a wider audience.
Photo by the author’s family