Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist

As a child, I was a huge fan of Popeye the Sailor Man. Looking back, I realize that Popeye might have been my first crush. I adored everything about him — his sailor outfit, crooked smile, even the oversized nautical tattoo on his muscled arm. I admired his love for spinach, which gave him super strength, and the affection he displayed for his girlfriend, Olive Oyl.

Now, I can see that Popeye was way ahead of his time, depending on Olive Oyl for strength and his cool tattoo for courage. His swagger suggested self-assuredness, but it was never presumptive or mean-spirited. I loved how Popeye would sing for everyone to hear: “I yam what I am and dats what I yam.” This tune later reminded me of the goals of psychotherapy.

“I yam what I am and dats what I yam” - Popeye the Sailor Man

The Meaning of Self-Acceptance

Popeye’s ditty provides a perfect working definition of self-acceptance: to know oneself, accept oneself, and be comfortable letting others know who you are.

As we age, we remain recognizably “the same,” albeit older. However, we often resist accepting our older selves, attempting to remain the same “me” we have always identified with.

Change is inevitable and happens with or without our consent. How we handle it—whether we accept it, resist it, or deny it — is largely up to us. But avoiding change to preserve sameness is a Sisyphean task of the first order. The resilient individual is open to new experiences, relationships, and ways of thinking throughout life.

Contrary to some popular ageist tropes, we continue to change even as we age. We delight in the changes babies go through, endure the changes during adolescence, and look forward to further changes as they mature.

However, at some point, we consider ourselves “grown up,” assume change is over, and believe we are now fixed and unchangeable. Over time, we discover that nature has a different plan for us — the aging process is inevitable and aging means changing.

“The aging process is inevitable and aging means changing. Our appearance, speed, strength, stamina, cognitive acumen, sensory acuity all change.”

Understanding Resistance to Change

Change is often resisted for several reasons: Energy, Anxiety, and Vanity.

1. Energy: Change requires energy while repetition conserves it. Even small changes can take effort, while larger changes, such as moving homes, can be exhausting. As we age, we learn to apportion our energy more wisely than we did in our youth.

2. Anxiety: Change often brings with it a certain amount of anxiety. A little anxiety can be exciting and make the change more exhilarating. The flexible person understands that anxiety is a signal they are moving out of their comfort zone and into a new one.

3. Vanity: As we age, our looks and skills change. Many societal messages suggest that we can avoid these changes through diets, supplements, surgeries, and exercise regimens. However, it’s important to understand that change is inevitable and taking good care of oneself can help us feel and look better.

Activity

Let’s think about our childhood superheroes.

• What attracted us to them?
• Can we recall their image, their behavior, how they related to others?
• What was their age as depicted?
• How would we imagine them as older adults?
• Would we still admire them?
• Why or why not?

For instance, Popeye, when first created, was possibly in his mid-thirties. He’d had many adventures and sailed the seas, but he hadn’t settled into middle-age. I worry about how he would fare as an older man, especially as his signature tune seems to suggest acceptance of the self at a younger age.

Should he re-emerge, I would hope that his creator gives him the experiences and strategies needed to accept inevitable change. I’d like Popeye to keep spinach in his diet and Olive Oyl in his life. As for the pipe? I’m not so sure.

“We continue to change even as we age. Believe and remember that the new version of you is still you.”

Popeye the Sailor Man image by Nestination on Newgrounds.