Pride: A Double-Edged Sword
“Pride” is one of those words that frequently implies criticism even though its actual meaning is really positive and accompanied by pleasant feelings. Feelings of pride swell up in us quite naturally when we see someone we love being successful, have invested in a favorable outcome, or have achieved something ourselves.
As a grandparent, I have felt full of pride at all sorts of achievements by my grandchildren, whether these were academic, athletic, leadership, or creative achievements — any number of which for some reason seem to have involved dried pasta and glue on paper plates. One memorable musical achievement involved a nearly stringless violin. Talk about pride!
“A life well lived and well-loved provides limitless opportunities for pride, filling a generous well.”
Celebrating Others’ Success, But Not Our Own?
When our children and grandchildren succeed, pride swells within us as a pure, uncomplicated feeling of pleasure. Similarly, I feel pride (often mixed with relief) when my students pass their exams, secure great internships, graduate, or have their first paper published.
The pride that comes from having served as a mentor fills me to the bottom of my very being and will last me till the end of my days. A life well lived and well-loved provides limitless opportunities for pride, filling a generous well. There is no hint of criticism there.
“Why is it so much easier to feel pride in others’ achievements than our own?”
Unless, that is, the pride reflects one’s own achievements. Pride at others’ achievements is permissible to feel and celebrate. But pride in recognition of our own achievements? Not so much.
The Stigma Around Pride
Even a slight feeling of pride is often quickly tamped down with the admonition that it is somehow wrong to elevate oneself to a prideful state. Indeed, if you do, that fate is likely to knock at your door and let you know that your pride is excessive or ill-deserved; that you are cocky, have a too lofty regard for yourself. You are a prideful person, meaning that you are arrogant, look down on others with disdain, and maybe (shudder) outright mean.
We’ve heard this all our lives: “Pride comes before the fall.” This coming from a Proverb. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” and speaks of the prideful person who will ultimately get their comeuppance. This is a safe bet as life is at least as arbitrary as planned, and even-handed in doling out pleasure and pain, joy and sadness over its course.
Humility vs. Pride
Humility is often posited as the opposite of prideful. The humble soul is revered in religious and secular literature and described as being kind, benevolent, even divine. Most of us are raised to be humble and avoid expressions of pride, or even allowing the feeling of it.
For the purpose of this post, I would like to be an advocate for the okay-ness of feeling and acknowledging pride in all of one’s accomplishments and achievements.
Embracing Pride in Our Own Accomplishments
I invite each of us to think about why it’s easier to feel pride in others’ achievements than our own. We often have contributed significantly to their achievements through
- genetic history
- time
- energy
- spiritual support
- authentic acceptance
- unconditional love
Our connected “others” usually acknowledge and celebrate their achievements less freely and exuberantly than we do, as they have the same resistance to experiencing pride and avoiding becoming prideful.
“Everything that can be celebrated should be.”
So, let’s embrace saying, “I am proud of myself for…”
Activity: Embrace Your Pride
Only one today, but it’s a big one. Give yourself time and let the writing flow.
Make a list
- What about yourself are you proud of?
- What have you done that you are proud of?
- What are doing that you are proud of?
When you are finished, respond to these questions:
- How many items did you list?
- How long did you work on the list?
- What were the types of items on your list? (For example: traits, behaviors, achievements, acquisitions, professional achievements, domestic achievements, family-related, personal care goals, spiritual growth, creative efforts, financial achievements?)
- Did the activity flow easily?
- Did you experience any resistance?
- Describe your feelings when you began to create the list.
- Describe your feelings when you completed the activity.
Reflect on any “take-home” messages from this activity.
Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash