Sometimes, when the sky is gray, and the weather is dreary, it becomes a challenge to keep one’s spirits and energy up. I can tell that I’m in this place when I don’t want to pop up from bed and begin the day, and would rather stay cuddled under the covers “just a little while longer.” Or when I find myself lunch-seeking, and it’s only 10:30 AM. And then checking the time over and over, and it’s still not time for dinner or bed. For me, these are signs that it is almost spring, but not quite, and my basic optimistic self is feeling a bit challenged. What can I do about it?

Building Connections Across Language Barriers

“I had made friends with the policemen by sharing the good stuff, in this case, a smile and a wave.”

A few years ago, I was visiting China as a Fulbright Scholar for the first time. There are a lot of people in China and I knew no one. Also, I didn’t speak or understand one word of Mandarin. I was assigned to live in a small hotel for Chinese business people. No one in the hotel administration spoke English. The hotel was guarded by very serious-looking policemen wearing very serious uniforms. This made my goings and comings from the hotel feel, well, unfriendly. So, I decided to make friends with the policemen.

Every time I walked out or returned, I said “Hello, there. Good morning (or good afternoon).” That didn’t work. Then I decided just to say “Hello, there.” That didn’t work. “Well,” I thought, “I don’t speak Mandarin and they don’t speak English. They don’t know what this lady is shouting out to them.” So, I decided to use a universal language. When I left the hotel and returned, I would SMILE (broadly) and WAVE (not a wild, out of control wave, but more than a little twiddling of my fingers). Bingo. By the second time, they would wave back to me, albeit still with a serious countenance. But I can report that by the time I left the hotel at the end of my stay, they were smiling, too. And it felt friendly.

Smile and Wave

Sharing the good stuff works to encourage joy in others. There are many ways to do this. I’ll start the “sharing the good stuff” list, and then ask that you add to it.

One simple way is to smile and wave. I love to walk around my neighborhood on any not-freezing day. Once I’m past my street, I don’t know the names of my town neighbors. But I’ve come to recognize a number of them, and they recognize me. I smile and wave as I walk by, and I’ve made friends even without knowing their names. How do I know this? They smile and return the wave. Sometimes they wave to me first, and I smile and wave back.

“Happy recognition, support, and encouragement. That pretty well defines a ‘friend’ in my book.”

Last fall, I hurt my leg and had to do physical therapy. When I could resume walking, I needed to use a cane and then progressed to using my hiking sticks. A number of my neighborhood friends, upon seeing me after an absence and observing the change in my walking status, called out “good to see you again,” “looking good,” and “keep going. You’ll make it.” I felt happy, and they felt happy knowing that they helped me along.

Compliment a Stranger

Another way to share the good stuff is to compliment a stranger. Despite what someone might have warned you as a child, we can talk to a stranger. A stranger could be a friend we haven’t yet met. And an honest compliment should be shared, not stifled.

Yesterday, I was at a farm store buying fresh produce and noticed another customer wearing a lovely jacket in a colorful vegetable pattern, maybe felt appliqués. I told her that her jacket was lovely and how well it suited being in the farm stand. What a perfect choice she had made in wearing it. I told her so. And she laughed and said that she hadn’t thought of that when she put it on that morning. Expressing my delight in a compliment brought me joy and her joy too.

Fair Exchange

We all do some things well. Sometimes this reflects true talent, and other times it develops out of modest talent and hard work. It’s perhaps most often the result of experience, having done it so many times that we become good at it rather by default.

“I have no special talent, but over the years, I’ve come to do three things really well.”

That’s how it is for me in terms of baking and cooking. I make good cookies, bake very good loaf breads, and prepare excellent soups. It’s a short list. What makes a long list are the many things I’d like to be able to do but aren’t. I know people who are “good at” some of those things, but I don’t want to be a bother or make them feel like I’m trying to take advantage of their skills or abilities, or infringe on their time. Some of these people I’d like to get to know better, too.

This “sharing the good stuff” suggestion takes a little courage, but it can be done. The idea involves proposing a meetup for a “fair exchange.” Here’s a real example:

An acquaintance is a master gardener and amateur arborist.

I have three plants that I haven’t killed yet. One appears to be doing well, another seems to be on its way out, and I’d love to know if there’s anything I could do to save it. The third might be doing too well, as it looks like it’s gradually climbing out of its pot and migrating toward the sun. I don’t know if it needs to be repotted and, if so, how that’s done. Or should it somehow be divided or even sculpted? Can you sculpt a plant?

I called my not-yet, but maybe future, friend and asked if she would be willing to make a house call to look at my three plants. In exchange, I’d have some freshly baked cookies for her to take home. She said she would be happy to stop by, but there’s no need for me to bake cookies for her.

“No, I am baking you cookies because I can do that well and it makes it easier for me to ask you to help me with something you do really well.”

So, I offered her a choice of my three best kinds of cookies (actually the only kinds I bake). She knew I was serious! She made her choice and we set a date for the visit.

Now It’s Your Turn

Add to our list of “Sharing the good stuff” by sharing suggestions you’ve implemented that have worked out well. We might feature them in a future post!

Activity

Select at least one idea from this list and try it.

When we share the “good stuff,” it makes us and others feel good, also known as joy.

‌“Stack of cookies” photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash.

‌“Pensive grandmother with granddaughter” photo by Andrea Piacquadio.