Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
Attitude is one of the words we think we know the meaning of, but it actually can be hard to define. So, let’s get the hard stuff over with and begin with a definition.
Attitude is a thought, or cluster of thoughts, that is reflected in a person’s cognition, feeling and behavior.
It is often a crystalized way of reacting to a specific something, a referent. A referent can be any stimulus: a person or perception through any of the senses.
A single thought can trigger many related thoughts. Over time this collection of thoughts reinforces the way we respond to something, or someone, or some group.
I describe this spreading response as “going down a rabbit hole” — or sometimes a gopher hole, if the hole is especially big and deep.
Question: Who is in charge of our going down the rabbit hole? Answer: We are.
We’ve All Been There
Here’s an example that I think you’ll be able to relate to:
I wake up in the morning, pull up the window shade and look out. This particular morning, I see a clear blue sky, sunshine and a breeze lightly blowing through the trees. Across the way I see a man walking a dog; a fluffy, adorable pooch who stops every few steps, wanting to sniff just about everything. The view makes me smile, and I turn from the window feeling happy ,uplifted, and energized and ready to start the day. It promises to be a pleasant, productive day. I start out with a good attitude. No corrections needed.
Same me. Same window. I look out and it is gray, misty with howling gusts of wind. I feel chilled just looking out. I sigh. The view makes me want to climb back into bed and huddle under the covers. It promises to be a dreary, low energy day. I start out with a poor attitude. Corrections needed.
What I Could Do
Challenge the thought
Rain is needed. The rain doesn’t have it in for me. It won’t hurt me. As my Grandmother would say when I whined about not wanting to go outdoors and get wet in the rain: “You’re not made of spun sugar. You won’t melt in the rain”. Thinking about that, and her, always make me smile. That is already a correction.
Turn on the lights
“Dreary” diminishes in bright light. Our other senses can add to our pantry of attitude corrections.
Turn on the music
Make sure to choose uplifting, arousing music. Save the mellow stuff for when you need to relax and wind down.
Select a scent
Do you know that some scents are energizing? Peppermint, Citrus, Eucalyptus, and Jasmine are good examples.
Consider any of these soap scents for your morning shower, or for oil in a diffuser or a scented candle in the bathroom. Candles are wonderful in the mornings, too!
Now check your attitude
I suspect that, even though it might still be rainy and misty outside, your dismal attitude has brightened up a bit.
This is simple stuff. It is of course much more complex when it comes to attitudes we hold about people and that reflect our core beliefs. It is much more complicated when attitude has been reinforced over time and comes to shape who we are.
There is no simple correction for this. To think there is does not make sense. But what does make sense is the understanding — or at least the willingness to be open to understanding — that little ”corrections,” small and intentionally imposed, can challenge automatic thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and thereby alter our attitude.
Activities for Your Journal
“No feeling is final.” — M.R. Rilke
No attitude is final either. They are based on judgements we hold to be true, but sometimes they are not true, and they are almost always incomplete.
Think of an occasion in the past when you have automatically responded to something or someone with a negative attitude….and later discovered this to be wrong. Looking back, how do you understand this?
When you’re feeling cranky and de-energized, what are your best go-to “techniques” you use to brighten your spirit and :attitude? Enter these in your journal, creating an ever-expanding list.
In the next post the focus will be on: Loneliness.
Photo by Chaz McGregor on Unsplash.