Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.

We tend think about little children as being bubbling and filled with curiosity. And cats seemingly to be governed by curiosity. Just set out an open shopping bag on the floor and a cat will find it an irresistible invitation to explore.

Among the diminutions and losses accompanying aging, do we also lose our capacity for curiosity as well? On the surface it might appear that we do. I suspect that is driven in part by diminishing energy, but also by the vast store of experience that makes up the core of our wisdom. There are however other factors as well that inform our curiosity. Many of these are under our control and serve to diminish or enhance our curiosity.

First, let’s briefly consider what we mean by curiosity.

By definition, curiosity is “a strong desire to know or learn something” (anything!)

Curiosity refers to a specific kind of drive that is fueled by a desire to grow, expand, explore and learn. It involves more than passive exposure. As a drive, curiosity is distinctly active.

How is curiosity diminished?

A lot of time it is diminished by what we tell ourselves, especially those recurring negatives and self-defeating ‘over and over’ ones.

Some examples of things we tell ourselves:

• “What difference would it make? I’m too old to start this.”
• “I’m not able to do this like I could when I was younger. Why bother?”
• “No one is there to appreciate it.”
• “I probably wouldn’t like it.”
• “What do I need this for?”
• “I don’t want to get involved.”
• “This sounds a little weird. I don’t need weird.”
• “The kids will laugh at me.”

Such self-talk slams the door on healthy, energizing curiosity.

How is healthy curiosity supported? Often by self-talk such as:

• “That’s kind of different/neat/cool. I wonder …”
• “I have no idea how/about (something). I’m going to look it up.”
• “The newspaper was reviewing a show at the (theatre/cinema/museum/etc.) I haven’t been there for a long time. I’ll ask if (name) would like to join me.”
• “I wonder how the local community program is doing, and if they could use a little help. I’ll call and ask.”

There is a wonderful Buddhist proverb that states: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” Of course, a real flesh and blood teacher does not appear in response to our curiosity. Rather the meaning of the proverb speaks of our willingness to be open to the desire to explore, learn and grow.

Those of us who are or have been teachers know that learning is best facilitated when the student interacts with the material, thus having an active experience.

Curiosity then is the catalyst for an opportunity of exposure, experience, interaction, cognition, integration, and ultimately change. Curiosity enables, fuels, and feeds our vitality.

Curiosity supports Growth, Renewal, Transformation

Activities

For your Journal

Think about something that has been a long-time interest/passion of yours. Perhaps gardening, a handcraft, political advocacy, volunteerism, music … anything that has engaged you, fascinated you and inspired you.

• How has this contributed to your growth?
• How has your interest in this been renewed over time?
• In what way(s) has this interest or passion Transformed you as a person?

Something to Do

How might we go about identifying what we are curious about?

A peculiar question? Not really. We spend so much time closing down our curiosity and openness to experience that the recognition of nascent curiosity gets cut off before being given a chance to flourish.

We can challenge that self-defeating thought.

I have learned over time to rely on nature in simple, quiet ways in order to encourage openness and get unstuck when that is needed. Two old favorite activities of mine are to sit on a rock and to lean against a great tree. I invite you to choose one and do it — or do both if you can, and identify which you prefer.

Sitting on a Rock

I love sitting on a big rock to … just be. It feels so solid and grounded and timeless. Or if I’m in the city, I will sit on an available wall and allow the background hum of city noise to lull me into a relaxing trance where thoughts just float by unjudged. Ask yourself the question: “What stirs my curiosity?” And be open to what emerges.

Leaning on a Tree

There is something magical about leaning against the trunk of a large tree. It puts the size of the self in perspective. Leaning (actual leaning on) allows the transfer of one’s burden to the living tree. The tree takes on some of our burden, and lightens our load, especially when the arbor provides a canopy of protection from the elements … life itself.

A more recent favorite activity is:

A (do something) New Day

1. Choose a day of the week where you will read the newspaper or listen to the radio and position yourself to become curious.
2. Identify what you are curious about. (Good use for your Journal here)
3. Follow up on one of your curiosity items.

Some ideas:

• Use the computer. Good morning, Google!
• Use a dictionary (do you still have one?) Use a book to learn more. If not, try Google!
• Read a book to learn more.
• Make a phone call to someone who you think is interested in that topic, maybe that person has some knowledge to share. Extra points for socialization here!
• Find out if there are interest groups or activities in your community for your curiosity item.
• If you have a creative bent, think about what piqued your curiosity and sketch it or play it to music … or dance.

At the end of your A New Day exercise, ask yourself:

• “What pleased me about this exercise?”
• And perhaps: “What would please me right now?”

In the next posts, the focus will be on Aging Easier, a series.

Photo by Kyle Nieber on Unsplash