Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
Focus on: The Vastness of Now
One day, I imagine that I shall design a watch. I have always had a passion for watches, and a special relationship with time itself. I suppose many of us Type-As do, as the awareness of time — precious time, used time, wasted time — ticks continuously in our mind.
My imagined watch will be a wonderful timepiece that will never need winding, charging, or batteries replaced.
Best of all, my imagined watch will forever be accurate for date and time. It will always be right and never wrong.
The design will be simple. Boldly displayed on the dial face will be the date and the time. The dial face will read:
Date: TODAY
Time: NOW
Always!
How we think about time can affect our way of being in the world. We are encouraged to “be in the now”. And we ask: Where is Now? (Psst. It is right where you are.) As we age our relationship with time itself changes. Our Now time has often become cluttered with unhealthy Shoulds and Oughts that we carry forward unexamined even as they may have become irrelevant and unhealthy. We continue to beat ourselves up with Shoulds and Oughts that have expired or, at least, exceeded their freshness codes. It’s time Now to clear out the mind’s pantry and cull those Shoulds and Oughts that no longer serve us well.
Time itself is commonly understood and consistently and fairly distributed. We all — each one of us — have the same 24 hours every day. How we think about time and how we experience time, however, is unique to each of us and varies “from time to time.” We invented the units and the language to talk about time. Our lives are lived against the backdrop of innumerable references to time. We think and talk in terms of time “all the time.” Consider:
We “did not have enough time,” “never have the time,” “ran out of time,” “are running behind the clock,” “need a ‘time out,’” are “time limited”, “are time deprived”, etc. And in older age, the transition naturally occurs from when “time flies by” to “time weighs heavily on one’s hands”.
Is the problem that “now” is such a tiny speck of time that makes it hard to grasp? I would propose just the opposite; rather that “now” is so vast as to make one feel totally untethered by all thoughts connecting time-elapsed (past) and anticipated (future). This can feel somehow akin to agoraphobia, where one experiences the dread and fear of being lost in an unfamiliar open expanse where you can neither escape nor or access help.
As we get older our relationship to time changes. While “middle age” could be defined as that point in time when one knows — truly knows — that lifetime elapsed exceeds lifetime anticipated. And that “old age” could mark that point in time when one knows — truly knows — that they are in the last stage of life, with all the memories, rights, privileges, challenges and pleasures therein.
Even as the Past to Future ratio inevitably changes relative to time, the now remains a constant. As always, it is now.
Having meditated for years, I still have difficulty staying with the now (or “in the moment,” in meditation parlance). It’s a slippery business, staying in the now, and more difficult than one might expect.
The moment, the now, becomes instantly obscured (another time reference) by the Past or the Future. The Past jumps in with memories and reviews. The Future jumps in with shoulds and oughts and to-dos. Repeatedly, I return to the breath. Return to the now. And when I do I can feel it. Being in the now helps me feel centered and provides an instant of calm.
Focus on the Now
Hint: It’s right where you are.
For your Journal — and what you can do
- Think about how you naturally apportion your time in the Past, Present, and Future, and when. Have you noticed change as you’ve become older?
- List your Shoulds and Oughts (S and Os) and identify which you tend to procrastinate or avoid. Note: S and O’s can contribute to unnecessary beating oneself up. Cull them regularly and with a heavy hand.
- What can you Delete and say “so-long” to from the S and Os list? A.k.a. Unhealthy S and Os.
- What can you add that can improve or enhance the quality of your life now? A.k.a. Healthy S and Os.
In the next post the focus will be on Curiosity.
Photo of hourglass by Aron Visuals; on Unsplash.