A Return to the Living to 100 Club

I was delighted to be invited for a return engagement by Dr. Joe Casciani, host of the Living to 100 Club, one of the most popular podcasts addressing aging and older age.

The title of the podcast is Still Together After All These Years: Counseling Older Couples.

Common Challenges for Long-Together Couples

In my work as a therapist, I witnessed many long-together couples struggling with new challenges, even as many of these frequently occurred in older age.

For example, conflicts emanating from an “empty nest,” when they were alone in the house without the presence, and distraction, of children. Or when they retired from work. Are they doing this around the same time?

Illness, especially illness that becomes chronic, dramatically changes the life of a couple. Another challenge is what I refer to as “differential aging.” That is when one significantly “ages faster” than their partner.

The Benefits of Togetherness in Old Age

In the podcast I discuss how being in a couple relationship in old age can be wonderfully beneficial. A positive relationship serves to support and protect the individual from having to go it alone.

A useful metaphor is that the journey of becoming old is like being in a somewhat worn and leaky boat traversing uncharted waters, and it’s helpful to have someone along for the journey to problem-solve and support and steady the journey. Sometimes long-festering issues crop up along the way, and therapy can be helpful.

Facing Loss and Grief

The truth is that most couples don’t die at the same time. And the death of a partner—no matter the circumstances—is a shock.

One is left behind to experience an emotional mixture of sadness, relief and grief. Grief is a normal reaction that generally lightens with the passage of time. Sometimes, however, grief is excessively troubling, and therapy can be helpful.

The “New Old” and Therapy

Over the years I have witnessed greater willingness of older adults to seek therapy, whether it be individual, couple or family therapy. The “new old” have come to recognize that their stage of life can be very rich, and that development continues; that even relationship development does not end with the accumulation of birthdays.

I’ve loved working with older couples.