Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.

A secret gift of becoming an old person.

Sometimes we forget that we are old. And that can be dangerous. We do best to face our changes and address our challenges.

The Three-Legged Stool

The aging process asks a lot of us in terms of adjustment, adaptation and accommodation. These are the three legs of the stool that enables us to meet the challenges of becoming an older person:

• Adjustment
• Adaptation
• Accommodation

When all three legs are sturdy and in good position, we are able to survive and thrive in old age.

When Change Arrives Abruptly

The changes and challenges sometimes come on abruptly, along with a discrete event such as a medical crisis or a fall. A fall for an old person is very different from one for a child, or even for a not-yet-old adult.

It might have occurred because you didn’t see something and tripped over it. Or you lost your balance when something pushed you off your center. Or maybe you just did not lift your foot high enough to cross over a little something.

But you don’t know what to do once you are on the ground. And it’s scary, because even if you didn’t break anything or bang your head, you might not be able to get up. Getting up requires strength and balance that you no longer have. And you didn’t know that.

Balance changes, and our actual center of self changes. You might go on YouTube and take a balance test for “seniors,” and find that you’re unable to stand with one foot up for twenty seconds. You get to eleven seconds and then need to put the raised foot down.

The World Gives Us Feedback

The world outside the self is generous with giving us feedback that we are an older person. There was a time when folks expressed surprise that you were a grandparent. And at some point, they stopped.

Now and again, at the beginning of the day when you look in the mirror, there’s a jolt of surprise as you recognize the person you see looking back at you.

The world outside the self is generous with giving us feedback that we are an older person.

The Photograph on the Door

When I was working in a skilled nursing facility with folks who had dementia, the staff would often put up a photograph of the resident on the door of their room. The photo helped them recognize their own room and made them less likely to wander into other people’s rooms.

The preferred photos were those of the individual in midlife. It seems this is the time of life during which the image of Self becomes solidified. It is the time when one is most productive, assumes the most roles and relationships, and receives the most reinforcement of who we are.

Losing Roles, Keeping Ourselves

As we move into old age we lose many of these roles and relationships. Sometimes we feel hardly recognizable. We try our best to adjust, adapt and accommodate what is necessary, and to make acquaintance with ourselves as an older person.

We do pretty darn well most of the time, and each birthday can be an occasion to celebrate.

It is true that in the transition to old age we lose many of the roles and relationships that had sustained us. But we have extensive experience behind us, and we can trust our ability to change and to navigate whatever changes are necessary.

The Present Expands

Life becomes simpler and slower when we become an old person, and this is more compatible with being able to “live in the now.” Most often the older person is not assuming as many roles and relationships, and we know that one’s relationship to time itself changes in old age.

The present expands as the future shortens. And being able to be in the moment, and to savor the moments, are the presents.

Contact me. I’d love to hear back from you, especially about any creative ways you’ve put this to use.

Photo by the Rosowsky Family