Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.
Part 3: Aging Easier
This series covers ten positives about being older. The first installment, Part 1: Perspective, covers the first three items on the list; the second installment, Part 2: Aging Easier, covers items 4 - 7. This final installment covers items 8 - 10.
Ten positive things about being an older adult
The Older Adult:
- Has a broader, deeper view of the world
- Has a more extensive and developed repertoire of how to survive in the world
- Is more comfortable with, and accepting of, who they are
- Feels less pressure to achieve major goals (or even create them)
- Experiences grandparenting as more pleasurable and less stressful than parenting was
- Discovers that they can still feel passion, amazement and awe
- Can still learn (this capacity doesn’t age out)
- Is able to forgive more liberally and authentically
- Can be more active in the community (old ones and new ones)
- Can relinquish membership in the “gotta run” generation (because they don’t “gotta”)
Pandemic Passions
From feedback I’ve received, it appears that the last post might have introduced a new term: pandemic passion. I’ve heard from a number of folks who report having explored activities during that time when we were all hunkered down as much as possible trying to avoid contagion.
Activities that could be done in the safety of one’s personal space were at a premium. These were often a variety of crafts, some previously enjoyed, while others were totally new activities. Exploring new recipes and cuisines was popular, for example.
Jigsaw puzzles appeared to have had a resurgence then too. Did you know that doing jigsaw puzzles is good brain exercise? If not, you do now, so this makes one new learning for today!
Others reported that the cocooning allowed their inner artist to emerge, to get a chance to be expressed. One person reported that she, at age 74, for the first time, took up water coloring, accompanied and guided by YouTube tutorials.
Music, too, was often noted (pun intended). People report having returned to the piano, mercifully kept in tune over the many years since the now-adult children ended lessons.
But across all activities, what was frequently mentioned was that during the pandemic years, a full three years by my count, people had the time to invest in “new” activities, because the isolation denied them access to their pre-COVID activities outside of their cocoon.
Consider also the time freed up because we were not able to do our usual errands. This created lots of free time, and more than a little nastiness and boredom. I also sensed a perceived need for activities to alleviate the fears, worries, and angst that we were experiencing during this time; something to capture our attention, engender positive excitement, and work off nervous energy. Peloton made a fortune from this.
Over time, some of these activities became a solid passion for us … a pandemic passion with legs and staying power.
Some questions
- Is your pandemic passion continuing now that the world has begun to open up?
- Did your pandemic passion diminish?
- End altogether?
I would like to hear from you about this.
The older adult is able to forgive more liberally and authentically
As I’ve mentioned, older age is a time to reflect, to review and reconsider a life lived and accept it as our own. The last post spoke of reminiscing, its value and universality.
Aging, becoming old, is like being in a boat on unchartered waters.
What also happens in older age is that we slow down a bit, we trim the sails of emotionality about past experiences. We’ve learned that strong emotions take a lot of energy which is in increasingly shorter supply as we age.
Emotion-driven energy is at its peak during adolescence when highly energized feelings can flip-flop in the proverbial “bat of an eye”. Within our stockpile of wisdom is coming to know what really matters near the end.
In the service of energy conservation, and along with the tendency toward slowing down, we are able to revisit and reappraise past experiences. We can think about them differently, with less energy-sapping intensity, now that we are older and wiser.
A useful metaphor is that aging, becoming old, is like being in a boat on unchartered waters. The boat is well worn and has a few small leaks.
In order to facilitate a safe crossing, we need to lighten our load as best we can. We are wise enough now to know that emotions, especially those of anger and resentment, weigh heavily and are especially burdensome.
- Can we now offload some of them?
- Are they worth the extra burden to carry forward and threaten the journey?
- Are there those experiences we can forgive, let go of, and lighten our load?
The older adult can be more active in the community
When we speak of community, what do we think of? It often refers to the town we live in, our neighborhood, or perhaps our place of worship. Community refers actually to any gathering of individuals who share a common interest, goal or connections. What is central to its meaning is a sense of belonging. Belonging implies the individual’s intent to attach and commit to a particular group.
When we are in the over-booked, hectic-paced, industrious mid-life years, “belonging” is associated with a time commitment, a luxury we cannot afford. The older adult, however, often has the advantage not only of time, but also of knowing that committing the resources of time, energy, and interest will most meaningfully match one’s values at this stage of life.
Belonging is a real need. Take this time to reach out and find a community for you.
At this point we are able to recognize intuitively what we need. Belonging is often at the core of that need, and socialization meets it.
The data on socialization is compelling. We know that we need meaningful socialization to support our mental and physical health. We know that when it is inadequate, its absence is harmful. People need to come together in community to share life.
Belonging is a real need. Take this time to consider reaching out and find a community for you. Then connect with it; commit to it and belong.
The older adult can relinquish membership in the “gotta run” community
Yes, you can! But it doesn’t just happen. You’ve got to purposely decide to resign your membership because there are a number of forces that will challenge and oppose it.
Time is a precious personal commodity to be respected and apportioned wisely.
Newton’s First Law of Motion states, in part, “a body in motion … will remain in motion … unless acted upon by an outside force.”
The older adult can count on several “forces” to whittle away at the “free time” we actually have, unless we are vigilant and set boundaries.
If we do not, errands and medical appointments, along with a natural lessening of energy (and on grey, dreary days, “oomph”) will silently, stealthily take up our available time.
Time is a precious personal commodity to be respected and apportioned wisely. The other personal commodities are energy and financial resources.
All through life we need to be mindful of how we use these precious resources to be our best selves and live our best lives.
Their availability varies over the life course.
When we are young adults, there is typically an abundance of ready energy, time feels endless, but, alas, we are “barely making it” financially. As we move through mid-life, we have energy and, if we’re fortunate, are reasonably solvent fiscally, but sorely time-strapped.
This is the life stage of peak responsibilities and commitments; the peak “gotta run” stage. In older age, we have the time — sometimes too much time — and again if we are fortunate, adequate discretionary funds.
But, alas, energy has come to be of limited supply. All through life we need to be mindful of how we use these precious resources in order to be our best selves and live our best lives.
Activities
For Your Journal
- Are you mindful about how you spend your resources (money,time,energy)?
- Did you relinquish your membership in the “gotta run” generation?
- When? Was it a mindful decision? How did it go for you?
- Are you still in the “gotta run” stage?
- Did you choose to be? Did it “just happen”? (See: Newton note). Is it working for you?
- How do you apportion your time?
- How do you protect your time?
- Is time “flying by?”
- Is time “weighing heavily?”
- Does time feel “pretty much okay?”
Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash.