Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.

Something to Take Home

When I was young, I recall that at the end of a visit with an old person, they often would give me something to take home, along with a hug. It could be a little trinket or knickknack that I liked, or a photograph they had shown me that came along with a story. It could be anything, but what was clear was that they wanted to give me something of their own.

Becoming the Old Person

Somewhere along the highway of life, I became that old person.

Often, I find myself doing the same thing — wanting to give things away to others, wanting to simplify my life, wanting to be known and remembered.

When my children, grandchildren, or special friends visit, they will likely leave with a hug and something of mine. It might be a hat that I’ve knit, or a recipe I thought they’d especially like. It could be a pair of earrings that I enjoyed wearing at their age, or a scarf they admired that I acquired while visiting Rome for a meeting. Sharing memories of that trip would go along with the scarf and the hug.

The Urge to Simplify

The need to disperse things, to give things away at this stage of life, accompanies a parallel reduction in wanting to acquire new things. The dominant urge is rather to simplify, tidy up, donate, bequeath, hand down, and get rid of things.

I want to simplify my life.

I am not alone in this. I suspect this stage is quite normal and may be useful. As we age, we prepare to give back — to reduce our footprint in the world and divest ourselves of that which no longer serves, supports, pleases, or fulfills us.

Sailing an Old Ship

I recall an image I often would share with my older patients. The image was of being on a small ship — an old ship — sailing over the uncharted waters of old age. The ship was comfortable and trustworthy, but being old, it had a few little holes and leaks.

We are wise, we older persons, and know that it is best for our safe crossing to lighten the load we are asking the boat to carry.

And so, we do.

What We Can Jettison

We can wisely jettison what is no longer needed or wanted — the excess baggage we have carried, sometimes for a long time. We can select memories, sculpt the arc of our nostalgia. We can choose to forgive what we can and favor what is best for us.

As we let go of what is no longer needed or wanted, we recognize that this simplification includes much more than physical items. There are thoughts and actions too that continue to weigh heavily on us, and we can choose to let some go.

We can choose forgiveness. We can choose selective nostalgia. We can focus and attend to what supports and sustains us. And we can remember to give ourselves a hug.

Contact me. I’d love to hear back from you, especially about any creative ways you’ve put this to use.