Thoughts and Suggestions from an Aging Psychologist.

Unfulfilled Wishes

So many times, I have said to myself something like:

“I wish I could take a rest for a few minutes; just lie down with toes up.”

Or:

“What a beautiful day. The sky is so blue. I wish I had time to take a walk.”

Or:

“I wonder how my old college roommate is doing. Maybe I’ll give her a call. It has been so long.”

And then I don’t act on it. Does this resonate with you? Setting aside thoughts of wishes and wants, while knowing they are just what we need for the health of our body, our mind, and our soul?

This intuitive knowing is part of the wisdom that comes with old age. It is a precious gift. But knowing is different from doing. Too often we back away from the wishing and wanting, and wait for permission to act.

A Lifetime of Asking Permission

When we were children, we needed to get permission from our parents to do the things we wanted. Permission was often only granted after we completed a chore. And later, always, “homework comes first.”

Over time we grew into adulthood, “with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto.” In response, we fiercely juggled the parallel responsibilities of raising a family and building a career. For many years, we did not have the luxury of “free time,” and put our wishes and wants on hold for “someday” — when time would be available.

Old Age Brings Time — and New Demands

Old age came, and along with it came the opportunity for uncommitted time. But it also came along with a diminution of energy and the emergence of new demands as we coped with age-related changes and needs vying for our time. We needed to apportion that time mindfully.

Our wisdom helped us. Being an older person comes along with knowing what is good for us and what supports us. And we know that waiting for anything — including permission — wastes time, an increasingly limited commodity the older we get.

The Age of Agency

Old age is not futureless, nor passionless. We older persons have wishes and dreams and creative ideas. We have reached the “someday,” and our enhanced wisdom enables us to recognize that we are the one to grant the permission we have been waiting for.

We have finally reached the age of agency.

While we continue to be responsible for our body, mind, and soul, we can give ourselves permission to care for them.

Permission To Do — and Not To Do

We can give ourselves permission to:

• Get an ice cream
• Call a college roommate
• Make new friends
• Take a walk
• Enroll in a course
• Learn something new
• Rest when we need to

We can also give ourselves permission to not do what we know is not good for us. We can let go of things, activities, and relationships that no longer support us.

Say It Out Loud

Be bold and say it out loud:

I give myself permission to…

Because the permission comes from you, and you are a wise person who knows that.

Contact me. I’d love to hear back from you, especially about any creative ways you’ve put this to use.